Fortitude Fridays #21

read time: 6 mins

A few ideas as you head into the weekend.

Today at a Glance:

• Quote: Fear.
• Question: Rational Evaluations vs Assumptions.
• Book: When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi.
• Tactic: Exposure Therapy to Overcome Fear.

 

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Quote to Ponder:

“Fear is not your enemy. It is a compass pointing you to the areas where you need to grow."

- Steve Pavlina

​Fear is a guide, not a foe; it signals our growth opportunities.

Embrace it, face it, and evolve.

 

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Question to Ask Yourself:

What beliefs or thoughts underlie my fears, and do they stem from rational evaluations or mere assumptions?

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I sat with this question for some time.

I found it interesting and crucial because it delves into the core of our fears, revealing their origins and validity. Often, fears are not based on actual threats but on assumptions rooted in past experiences, societal conditioning, or negative beliefs.

Rational evaluations are grounded in evidence and real-world risks, guiding us to take necessary precautions. On the other hand, mere assumptions are often exaggerated or unfounded, leading to unnecessary anxiety and hindrance to personal growth.

As we identify irrational fears, we open the door to challenge them. Questioning the validity of our beliefs enables us to reframe our perspectives and reduce the hold that fear has on our lives. This process encourages self-compassion and self-acceptance, recognizing that everyone carries fears, and they don't define our worth.

Examining underlying beliefs uncovers fear patterns and triggers. Armed with this knowledge, we proactively dismantle triggers, developing healthier coping mechanisms. Seeking support, we can begin to navigate challenges. Recognizing rational fears from assumptions guides our risk-taking, helping us to make well-informed decisions aligned with our goals and values.

Fear serves as a signal, not a barrier.

In conclusion, self-inquiry into our fears empowers personal growth, challenges irrational fears, fosters self-compassion, and unlocks the door to resilience.

 

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Book to Check Out:

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

This book is memoir written by Paul Kalanithi, a neurosurgeon who was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer at the age of 36. The story chronicles his journey from a promising young doctor to a patient facing mortality, while reflecting on life, death, meaning, and the human experience.

Throughout the book, Paul poetically contemplates the profound questions of life and death, exploring what it means to live a meaningful life and how to find purpose in the face of imminent death. He grapples with the tensions between science and spirituality, acknowledging the complexities of human existence.

"Human knowledge is never contained in one person. It grows from the relationships we create between each other and the world, and still, it is never complete."

I found this book a soul-wrenching yet witty, uplifting, and hopeful account. It sheds light on the shortcomings of our healthcare system and the toll it takes on both patients and healthcare providers alike. It is a book I think of often, the lessons of living with meaning echoing as I navigate this life as a parent, spouse, daughter, friend, nurse and coach.

Key Take Away: A poignant and profound exploration of what it means to confront mortality and the fragility of life. The book is a testament to the power of human resilience and the quest for meaning and purpose, even in the most challenging circumstances.

 

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Tactic to Try: Exposure Therapy to Overcome Fears

I have a confession to make—I am afraid of the dark. Especially being alone in dark woods, haunted by my vivid imagination conjuring unknown terrors lurking behind every tree. This fear has trailed me since childhood, partly influenced by my fascination of creepy stories and scary movies, which so many seem to be set in the ominous dark woods. Over time, I've made progress in dealing with this fear, though I still don't relish being in such environments. However, I can now navigate through them without succumbing to full panic and sprinting away. This transformation didn't happen overnight; it required deliberate, gradual exposure over the years, with both successes and setbacks along the way. Giving up was not an option—I refused to let this fear haunt me indefinitely. Little did I know, there's an actual name for this process I undertook...

Exposure therapy, in a less extreme version that does not require medical professional oversight, involves voluntarily facing your fears or anxieties gradually and at your own pace. You can do this by exposing yourself to situations or stimuli that trigger fear or discomfort in a controlled and safe manner. The idea is to start with less anxiety-provoking situations and gradually work your way up to more challenging ones. By repeatedly confronting your fears in a controlled setting, you can become more accustomed to them and reduce the intensity of your fear response over time. This self-guided approach can be effective for milder fears or anxieties and can help you build resilience and gain confidence in facing your fears independently. This can work for a variety of fears: fear of heights, public speaking, talking to strangers, dark woods, spiders, driving on a highway, flying, riding elevators, or any other fear that is affecting your daily life.

**DISCLAIMER: if your fears are severe or significantly impacting your daily life, it’s ESSENTIAL to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor for guidance and support.**

The goal of exposure therapy is to reduce the fear response over time by helping the individual confront their fears and learn that the perceived threat is not as harmful as they initially believed.

How it works:

1. Identify the Fear: Start by identifying the specific fear or phobia that you want to overcome.
2. Create a Fear Hierarchy: Work with a therapist, coach, trusted person or on your own to create a fear hierarchy. List different situations or scenarios related to your fear, starting from the least anxiety-provoking to the most anxiety-provoking. For example, if you have a fear of flying, the hierarchy might include looking at pictures of airplanes, visiting an airport, sitting in a stationary plane, and eventually taking a short flight.
3. Start with Exposure: Begin exposure therapy by exposing yourself to the least anxiety-provoking situation in your hierarchy. Stay in that situation until your anxiety reduces, and you feel more comfortable. The exposure time can vary based on the individual, working up to longer exposures as necessary.
4. Use Relaxation Techniques: Learn and practice relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or mindfulness, to help manage anxiety during exposure.
5. Gradually Increase Exposure: Once you feel more at ease with the least anxiety-provoking situation, move on to the next item in your fear hierarchy. Gradually increase the intensity or duration of exposure as you build confidence and tolerance.
6. Repeat and Reinforce: Continue exposing yourself to each level in the hierarchy until you can face the most anxiety-provoking situation without experiencing overwhelming fear.
7. Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate your progress at each step of the exposure process. Celebrating even small victories can boost your confidence and motivation to continue.
8. Seek Support: If the fear is significantly impacting your daily life or if exposure becomes too challenging to handle on your own, consider seeking help from a qualified therapist experienced in exposure therapy.

Exposure therapy can be highly effective for overcoming specific fears and phobias. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but with consistent practice and patience, you can gradually reduce the fear response and regain control over your emotions.

Remember, self-guided exposure requires patience and persistence. It's essential to proceed at your own pace and ensure that you feel safe and in control throughout the process. The ultimate goal is to help you confront and conquer your fear, leading to a more fulfilling and less anxious life.

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Thanks for reading and I hope you have an incredible weekend! Until next week...

You got this,