Fortitude Fridays #13

Read Time: 5 mins

 

 

Interesting Thought:

A fit body, a calm mind, a house full of love. These things cannot be bought - they must be earned. -@Naval

​Naval's quote emphasizes the intangible nature of true well-being. A fit body, calm mind, and loving home are not commodities; they require effort and dedication. They are the results of personal growth, self-care, and nurturing relationships. This quote reminds us that the most valuable aspects of life cannot be purchased but must be earned through our actions and choices.

 

 

Question to Ask Yourself:

What is one thing you are proud of today?

If you can’t think of something, are you able to spend the next five minutes thinking of something you could do today to be proud of?

I love this question. Reflecting on your accomplishments provides motivation and inspiration to continue striving for personal growth and success. It reinforces the belief in your abilities and encourages a proactive mindset, empowering you to tackle new challenges and pursue your goals with determination

My answer: After being stuck inside the past few days due to the poor air quality, I got out for a 3 mile hike!

Please feel welcome to reply back what you are prod of today, I'd love to hear it!

 

 

A Few TEDTalks to Check Out:

It is no secret I love TEDTalks. Today I am sharing some of my favorites to inspire you in 22 minutes or less!

​

  1. “Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are” by Amy Cuddy Explores the impact of body language on confidence and personal empowerment. (21:02)
  2. “The Power of Introverts” by Susan Cain Discusses the strengths and value of introverts in a society that often celebrates extroversion. (19:04)
  3. “The Puzzle of Motivation” by Dan Pink Examines the science behind motivation and challenges traditional notions of rewards and incentives. (18:36)
  4. “The Happy Secret to Better Work” by Shawn Achor Discusses the relationship between happiness and success and provides strategies to cultivate a positive mindset. (12:20)
  5. “The Danger of a Single Story” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Explores the power of storytelling and the importance of diverse perspectives. (18:49)
  6. “The Surprising Science of Happiness” by Dan Gilbert Uncovers the science behind happiness, challenging common assumptions and offering insights into what truly makes us happy. (21:19)
  7. "Inside the Mind of A Master Procrastinator" by Tim Urban Encourages us to reflect on our own procrastination tendencies and offers valuable insights on how to overcome them. Very funny. (14:03)
  8. "How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over" by Mel Robbins Urges us to stop self-sabotaging and take control of our lives by breaking destructive patterns and embracing change. (21:39)

 

 

Tactic to Try: Eight Ways to Say No with Grace

A close friend recently sent me a hilarious Instagram reel on various ways to say no and it got me thinking.

It can be quite difficult to effectively and gracefully say no for a variety of reasons. First off, the fear of rejection or disapproval can prevent people from asserting boundaries and declining requests. Secondly, the desire to please and help others can make it challenging to refuse, as individuals may feel guilty or selfish. Additionally, the fear of missing out on opportunities or experiences can contribute to the reluctance to say no. Overcoming these challenges requires cultivating self-awareness, developing healthy boundaries, and practicing assertiveness.

In a world where we all experience more requests than we are actually physically capable of completing, being able to say no effectively a superpower. In Greg McKeown’s book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less he discusses the power of saying no gracefully in a section called the “No Repertoire” in Chapter 11.

“Saying no is its own leadership capability. It is not just a peripheral skill. As with any ability, we start with limited experience.”

Regardless where you are starting, gracefully saying no is a skill that can be honed with practice. However, it requires a variety of responses, and while some are proficient at this, others can struggle. I am 100% guilty of noncommittal answers such as "sure, let me see if I can fit that in" or "I might be able to" when I almost ALWAYS know I can't. A clear "no" is always better than a strung along "no."

Below are the eight responses McKeown discusses in his book that you can add to your own repertoire:

1. The awkward pause.
“Instead of being controlled by the threat of an awkward silence, own it. Use it as a tool. When a request comes to you (obviously this works only in person), just pause for a moment. Count to three before delivering your verdict. Or if you get a bit more bold, simply wait for the other person to fill the void.”
2. The soft “no” (or the “no but”)
“I recently received an e-mail inviting me to coffee. I replied: ‘I am consumed with writing my book right now :) But I would love to get together once the book is finished. Let me know if we can get together towards the end of the summer.’ E-mail is also a good way to start practicing saying “no but” because it gives you the chance to draft and redraft your “no” to make it as graceful as possible. Plus, many people find that the distance of e-mail reduces the fear of awkwardness.”
3. “Let me check my calendar and get back to you.”
“One leader I know found her time being hijacked by other people all day. A classic Nonessentialist, she was capable and smart and unable to say no, and as a result she soon became a “go to” person. People would run up to her and say, “Could you help with X project?” Meaning to be a good citizen, she said yes. But soon she felt burdened with all of these different agendas. Things changed for her when she learned to use a new phrase: “Let me check my calendar and get back to you.” It gave her the time to pause and reflect and ultimately reply that she was regretfully unavailable. It enabled her to take back control of her own decisions rather than be rushed into a “yes” when she was asked.”
4. Use e-mail bounce backs
“It is totally natural and expected to get an auto response when someone is traveling or out of the office. Really, this is the most socially acceptable “no” there is. People aren’t saying they don’t want to reply to your e-mail, they’re just saying they can’t get back to you for a period of time. So why limit these to vacations and holidays? When I was writing this book I set an e-mail bounce back with the subject line “In Monk Mode.” The e-mail said: ‘Dear Friends, I am currently working on a new book which has put enormous burdens on my time. Unfortunately, I am unable to respond in the manner I would like. For this, I apologize.—Greg.’ And guess what? People seemed to adapt to my temporary absence and nonresponsiveness just fine.”
5. Say, “Yes. What should I deprioritize?”
“Saying no to a senior leader at work is almost unthinkable, even laughable, for many people. However, when saying yes is going to compromise your ability to make the highest level of contribution to your work, it is also your obligation. In this case it is not only reasonable to say no, it is essential. One effective way to do that is to remind your superiors what you would be neglecting if you said yes and force them to grapple with the trade-off. For example, if your manager comes to you and asks you to do X, you can respond with “Yes, I’m happy to make this the priority. Which of these other projects should I deprioritize to pay attention to this new project?” Or simply say, “I would want to do a great job, and given my other commitments I wouldn’t be able to do a job I was proud of if I took this on.” I know a leader who received this response from a subordinate. There was no way he wanted to be responsible for disrupting this productive and organized employee, so he took the nonessential work project back and gave it to someone else who was less organized!”
6. Say it with humor
“I recently was asked by a friend to join him in training for a marathon. My response was simple: “Nope!” He laughed a little and said, “Ah, you practice what you preach.” Just goes to show how useful it is to have a reputation as an Essentialist!”
7. Use the words
“You are welcome to X. I am willing to Y.” “For example, ‘You are welcome to borrow my car. I am willing to make sure the keys are here for you.’ By this you are also saying, ‘I won’t be able to drive you.’ You are saying what you will not do, but you are couching it in terms of what you are willing to do. This is a particularly good way to navigate a request you would like to support somewhat but cannot throw your full weight behind. I particularly like this construct because it also expresses a respect for the other person’s ability to choose, as well as your own. It reminds both parties of the choices they have.
8. “I can’t do it, but X might be interested.”
“It is tempting to think that our help is uniquely invaluable, but often people requesting something don’t really care if we’re the ones who help them— as long as they get the help.”
​
​(source)​

Take Away: Being able to say no clearly is essential because it sets boundaries, preserves personal well-being, and empowers individuals to prioritize their needs and values. By selectively saying no to non-essential tasks and commitments, we can focus on what truly matters and make meaningful contributions towards our goals and priorities.

“We need to learn the slow ‘yes’ and the quick ‘no.’ ” - Tom Friel, the former CEO of Heidrick & Struggle

Thanks for reading and I hope you have a beautiful weekend! Until next week...

You got this,

 

 

Find similar articles

MotivationSaying No

Leave a comment

More stories

The 100 Hour Rule

The 100 Hour Rule

Fortitude Fridays #12 Read Time: 5 mins Quote To Remember: “Every moment, we always have a choice, even if it feels as if we don’t. Sometimes th...

The 3-2-1-Sleep Routine for a Better Night’s Sleep

The 3-2-1-Sleep Routine for a Better Night’s Sleep

Fortitude Fridays #14 Read Time: 5 mins Interesting Thought: “Character, like a photograph, develops in darkness” -Yousuf Karsh ​ We are not bui...

Did you like this post?

Check out my free email newsletter Fortitude Fridays that delivers quick actionable tactics to unlock your personal power.

Subscribe

3 MORE WAYS I CAN HELP YOU

  • 1:1 Coaching

    Working session with Erinn to clarify your process and accelerate your goals.

    see how

  • Course: Mindshift

    This course guides you to unlock your full potential by gaining leverage on your habits and amplifying your inner power. 

    Discover

  • ​FREE CONSULTATION

    A no obligation chat to learn more about my coaching style, full skillset and how we can get you where you want to be.

    Book Now