Fortitude Fridays #15

Read Time: 5 mins

 

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Thought to Ponder:

"The purpose of life is to discover your gift. The work of life is to develop it. The meaning of life is to give your gift away." — David Viscott

​A blueprint to build a life of satisfaction and fulfillment.

Discover. Develop. Give.

 

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Question to Think About:

“What advice have you been given that you have tried to make work for yourself over and over but it never really worked or felt right?”

Often, when seeking solutions or advice for persistent problems, it can evoke feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. After all, if we could have resolved the issue on our own, we would have done so already. The danger of personal development lies in the fact that while certain advice may prove effective for some, it may be detrimental for others. However, the real issue arises when we blame ourselves for the advice's failure, rather than considering the validity of the advice itself or the circumstances surrounding it.

Approach advice like shopping for a bathing suit: some suggestions will make you feel fantastic, while others may not suit you at all. Select and incorporate what works for your particular situation, and confidently discard what doesn't. Moreover, do not hesitate to let go of advice that no longer serves you, embracing the freedom to explore new paths.

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My Answer: "Everything happens for a reason." I was given this advice countless times after a tremendous loss and it was deeply unsettling. Sometimes things just happen, and it's ok to not search for a reason why.

 

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Resilience is About How You Recharge, Not How You Endure​

By Shawn Achor and Michelle Gielan

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I found this article interesting because it emphasizes the importance of replenishing energy for resilience. We are familiar with the idea that resilience reflects the human capacity to adapt, grow, and bounce back in the face of adversity. It is also the inner strength that allows us to navigate through life's challenges and setbacks. However this article challenges the notion that resilience is solely about enduring stress and highlights the need for intentional practices of energy renewal.

By recognizing the value of breaks, embracing joy, practicing mindfulness, and nurturing supportive relationships, we fortify our resilience. It is through these intentional acts of recharging that we cultivate the strength and capacity to adapt, grow, and thrive in the face of adversity. Resilience becomes a transformative force, empowering us to navigate life's challenges with renewed vigor and unwavering determination.

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Take Away: True resilience goes beyond mere endurance; it is the embodiment of inner strength, adaptability, and the ability to bounce back from adversity. It thrives when we proactively replenish our physical, emotional, and mental energy, embracing self-care, mindfulness, and supportive relationships.

 

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Tactic to Try: A Simple Question When Someone Comes to You With a Problem

I confess, I am inherently wired as a fixer, which played a significant role in my choice to become a nurse and a coach. I am driven to help resolve any problems you may have, going to great lengths to offer assistance. While this quality serves me well in professional settings, I have come to acknowledge that bringing this inclination into my personal relationships can yield mixed results.

Over time, my Fix-It mentality has caused some tense moments with my spouse, family, and friends. Whenever they approached me with their problems, I would immediately dive into dissecting the situation and presenting potential solutions. I was perplexed by their rejection of my suggestions, often resulting in withdrawal or even anger towards me. Interestingly, I married a fellow Mr. Fix-It, and although we make an unstoppable team when faced with problems, we discovered that applying our fix-it attitudes to each other was causing undue stress between us.

After a considerable time (and many frustrated interactions), we had an epiphany:

Sometimes, we don't desire solutions; we simply long for empathetic presence and support.

Here is how it works:

Ask a simple question when a loved one comes to you upset or with a problem:

"Do you need me to listen, give you a hug or help you solve this?

By asking this question it allows you to help this person in the way THEY need you to rather than what YOU think they need.

Listen: Actively listen and let them speak (vent) freely as needed

Hug: Offer the hug, sit with them, or hold their hand. Touch is a love language for many and it can be very comforting.

Solve: Engage in inquiry to gain understanding, analyze the situation thoroughly, and provide thoughtful ideas or solutions to aid them in navigating through the problem at hand

This versatile question holds incredible potential, allowing you to customize it to various relationships in your life. Personally, I find it particularly effective when interacting with my seven-year-old, as it fosters a safe space for her to process emotions and develop essential communication skills.

The beauty lies in its ability to cultivate mutual awareness and establish clear expectations from the start. Over time, as you attune to patterns and nonverbal cues, you'll gain an intuitive understanding of their needs, rendering the question unnecessary.

If you've ever faced challenges in being there for someone, I encourage you to give this tactic a try and let me know how it went.

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Thanks for reading and I hope you have an awesome weekend! Until next week...

You got this,