Fortitude Fridays #63

read time: 6 mins

A few ideas as you head into the weekend.

Snapshot of Today:

• Quote: Understanding Life.
• Question: Choose Your Hard.
• Book: Excellent Advice for Living by Kevin Kelly
• Reflection: Self-Improvement and Self-Acceptance.

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Quote to Ponder:

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

-Søren Kierkegaard (Danish Philosopher and Theologian)

Don’t fear mistakes; they are our best teachers.

Every stumble forward toughens you and brings you closer to the strength and wisdom you’re after.

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Question To Ask:

What is the hard thing I choose?

Life is hard, but fortunately, we have the ability to choose our hard. On the flip side, if we don't choose it, life or someone else will for us.

It's hard to build and maintain the body you want. It's also hard to see your body decline from lack of use or neglect.

It's hard to build meaningful and fulfilling relationships. It's also hard to exist in only superficial interactions.

It's hard to build a life of purpose. However it's also hard to live without one.

Choose your hard thing and own it.

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Book to Check Out:

Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I'd Known Earlier by Kevin Kelly

Kevin Kelly is a well-known writer, photographer, and technology thinker. He co-founded Wired magazine and has written extensively on technology, culture, and the future.

On his 68th birthday, Kevin Kelly began compiling a collection of life lessons for his adult children — advice he wished he had known earlier. To his surprise, Kelly found he had more wisdom to share than expected, and over the years, he continued to add to this compilation of life’s lessons.

Here are a few of my favorites:

• You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to.
• Prototype your life. Try stuff instead of making grand plans.
• Don’t ever work for someone you don’t want to become.
• If you have a good 'why' to live for, no 'how' will stop you.

I first encountered his writings in his blog post '101 Additional Advices' and enjoyed it so much that I had to read his book. I particularly appreciate his no-nonsense, dry delivery style and the fact that his advice consists mostly of one-liners.

Insightful, fun, and uplifting for sure.

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Reflection: Self-Improvement vs Self-Acceptance

Yesterday was my birthday. For the past decade, I've taken a few moments each year to reflect on the goals I've accomplished and the improvements I've made.

This year, however, felt underwhelming. I missed the mark in most areas—goals were set, deadlines were made, and then unceremoniously passed. Despite my best-laid plans, I had to shift priorities abruptly. My family needed me, and without any hesitation, I showed up, letting my plans fall to the wayside.

Mike Tyson famously said, "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth," and I certainly felt those punches often this past year. I pivoted, changing my plans, priorities, and what I was capable of under these circumstances. However, the achiever in me struggled to accept that what I had managed to achieve and improve was enough, and more importantly, that I was enough. I had inadvertently tied my value to my accomplishments, rather than recognizing my inherent worth.

A few days ago, I heard a story about Suzuki Roshi, the founder of the San Francisco Zen Center, who looked out at a group of his students meditating in the 1960s and said, "Each of you is perfect the way you are, and you can use a little improvement." The timeliness of this story wasn't lost on me. That saying hit home. It got me thinking about self-improvement and self-acceptance, and more importantly, their relationship.

Self-Improvement vs. Self-Acceptance

Most of us want to improve because deep down, there’s something about ourselves we don’t like—maybe it's our weight, our lack of discipline, communication skills, or our inability to stick to goals. But here’s the kicker: we can’t change anything if we don’t first accept where we are now.

Self-improvement isn’t about becoming someone else; it’s about being the best version of yourself. It’s setting goals, learning new skills, and pushing yourself every day. It’s tough, but it’s supposed to be. If it were easy, everyone would do it. The point is to challenge yourself, to push past your comfort zone, and grow. But the truth is: if you’re constantly chasing perfection, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’ll never be satisfied because there’s always something else to fix. It becomes a never ending cycle of dissatisfaction.

On the other hand, self-acceptance is about looking at your flaws and saying, “Yeah, I’ve got some issues, but I’m still worthy.” It’s recognizing your strengths and weaknesses and being okay with them. It’s not about making excuses or giving free passes for your shortcomings, but about understanding they don’t define you. You are more than your failures and successes.

Here's the toughest lesson: if you can't accept yourself, genuine improvement becomes nearly impossible. You'll find yourself trapped in a cycle of self-criticism, unable to recognize any progress. Self-acceptance isn't about settling; it's about granting yourself the space to evolve. It's acknowledging your current worth while striving for growth.

Reframing Self-Improvement and Self-Acceptance

Mastering self-improvement and self-acceptance is the real challenge. It’s about improving in some area of your life each day while never forgetting your inherent value. This journey isn’t about instant transformations but the accumulation of small, consistent efforts over time.

Assess where you stand, embrace it, and take one step forward, then another.

This isn't new; we've heard these principles for ages. But I'm here to remind you, as much as myself, to embrace both self-acceptance and self-improvement. It’s easy to get swept away by either one, but finding your personal balance is where the magic happens.

Bringing It Home:

Self-improvement and self-acceptance aren’t opposites; they’re two sides of the same coin. Together, they form the foundation for a fulfilling life. Self-improvement provides direction and purpose, pushing you to grow and evolve. Meanwhile, self-acceptance offers emotional stability and the resilience needed to keep moving forward. Balancing these two isn’t easy, but the effort is worth it.

So, perhaps I didn't achieve all my personal goals this year, but I've come to accept who I needed to be. More importantly, I'm proud of the progress I've made, even if it wasn't part of my original plan. My wish is that you can also take pride in your journey. Striving to be better every day is challenging, but as they say, the best journeys always are.

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Thanks for reading! I hope you have a sunny weekend. Until next week...

You got this,